In the face of our youth-obsessed culture, it's virtually impossible to watch the bloom fade without feeling a little self-conscious , sad and frantic.

In my community, like many others in America, women take the business of aging very seriously. Plastic surgeons prosper, as wrinkles and lines relentlessly appear in the mirror, betraying the passage of time. Losing beauty is a scare.

More ruthless is the notion that, as we get older, we become less and less useful, less skillful, and inevitably helpless. In a culture where a person's only real value is tied to productivity this has become the result.

Youngsters sneer at older people who are still sexual or call them "cute". Gradually we become altogether invisible, in a world which has lost its sense of time.

Other cultures, now and in the past, have always honored their parents, their ancestors, their elders.

These cultures, however, also value tradition and continuity. They understand themselves as a moment in a long stream of time; neither the beginning nor the end of a dynasty or tribe, and certainly not a sole pebble on the beach. They understand the notion of generation as part of a continuum.

People evolve over time, each generation building on the one before, always hoping for the children to advance beyond what they've achieved. Our evolution as a species depends on it.

Others have said that we have become a disposable culture, which throws things away when they are no longer new, replacing things and people for no other reason but to feed our acquired taste for novelty.

Have we forfeited our sense of values for the quick, the instant and the new?

As more of us get older, the issue of how we age, what we envision (and therefore project) is at the cutting edge. In this generation, we gain the chance to re-evaluate how we view human time.

To avoid being marginalized, we require empowerment; refusing to surrender to a societal view that disposes of its elders to inadequate managed health care.

Aging is not a disease. Fear perpetuates the nightmare as we desperately try to deny. We are simply mortal.

What if aging became associated with enlightenment, wisdom and entitlement? Imagine the older face, marked by time and experience becoming an icon for spiritual awakening, a time of life to approach with the celebration of arrival. What if we allowed that our time on this planet is a journey of the human spirit, rather than our only destination?

Suppose people, as they got older, expected themselves to become more, not less. What if the process of creativity itself was acknowledged to provide a quality of life making the later years a stage to envy and anticipate?

Perception is reality. We are what is expected of us - and, so long as we continue to accept the frightened view of aging, we will remain at the disposal of the frightened.

It's a time to live beyond the script, to be the tellers of truth, willing to fault conventional thinking.

Conscious aging means creating an original view of what we expect of ourselves as the years go by.

It's the time of our lives.

Elaine Z Mosher PhD

The cases in point which appear in this column do not represent any particular individual or couple, but are a composite representation of people with relevant life issues. Similarities with actual people are coincidental.

©1999 Elaine Mosher

Cases in Point: Archive